It's tiring being
always the last choice, the final option, the one people will turn to when
there's no one else left. It's totally painful being left behind, especially
when people will constantly show you that you are not the one they want to spend
time with, do things with.
Or maybe I'm just
selfish.
Maybe, I just wanted the
attention I know I deserve. I just wanted to be given the time I wish people
will give me. Maybe I just wanted to feel wanted.
My self-esteem had hit
rock bottom once again today and it makes me wonder what's wrong with me. Why
is it that people always have this impression that I am not worth anything from
them. What's worse is that most times, I feel taken for granted - looked for
only when needed.
The pain strikes me
senseless and honestly, it turns me into a more selfish human being. Maybe it's
envy and jealousy that are driving me this insane, but for once, I just want to
have that person who will give me full attention. I just want to meet that
person who will be proud of me despite my appearance, my weight, my fashion
sense.
Because I'm not as
strong and independent as everyone think I am. I am depressed. I am frustrated.
And it's all because people are always cautious of me, in a negative kind of
way. It's tiring knowing that that is what others think of me.
I know the problem lies
on myself. Who would want a broken soul with them? Who will want to carry the
burden of fixing a life as destroyed as mine? Who would want to exert effort to
change a hopeless case that I am?
No one wants to carry a
liability.
And sadly, in the eyes
of this world, I am one.
