Sunday, March 25, 2018

I'm pretty sure it didn't make sense to many that I am doing the 40-day fasting for my faith (it's Lent!) but yeah, I am doing it and we're seven more days to the finish line.

To be very honest, I'm not comfortable with discussing this as I don't really flaunt whatever I do for my religion, but generally, it's about completely taking meat off my meals. And for someone who really loves meat, this is indeed a sacrifice.

And as much as it made me feel one with God somehow (I am not a good person, after all!), it did make me feel better about my body. Thirty three days - as of date - without beef, pork or chicken drove my body system into a rage against gluttony. LOL. I  mean, despite settling on vegetables and fish, it did made me feel lighter. I don't think I lost weight though, but at least, I'm feeling a lot more relaxed and swift with my movements, unlike before when I feel totally sluggish and lame.

Okay, so I know it's good but I'm trying something different on April. I'm trying the Ketogenic diet, so since I managed to take meat off my diet for more than a month, I can perhaps try to take carbohydrates off this time.

So this is gonna be sacrifice on a larger scale since God knows I totally love pasta and rice. :(

Good luck.


One More Week

Tuesday, March 13, 2018

I halted my gym training. My pneumonia came back and I seemed to have determined the cause why it wouldn't leave, finally. It's probably because I don't sweat that much in the gym. My mind will tell me that I am really sweating a lot because of my cold back but when I put my hands inside my shirt, there would be nothing. But the back feels cold and I'm guessing the sweat just don't break out and it dries up inside.

Ending? Pneumonia.

Severe coughs recently went back. I even had an attack yesterday and I thought there's no way out anymore. I just couldn't breathe. While many of my friends have been telling me already to go back to my doctor, time just won't permit me plus I need to put my mom first. She'll have to go to her gastro too and if she knew that I need to go to my doctor too, she'll end up postponing her medications. You know, mothers.

That's why I decided to just go back to what I know is effective to me: DANCING in a SAUNA SUIT.


Whenever I wear a sauna suit and do my stuff, I really tend to sweat a lot. That's why I opted to splurge on a suit worth 700.00 last Sunday and decided to try it this morning while learning to dance SNSD's THE BOYS. Tita's still sleeping on the other room so I can't really dance (floor's made of wood) so I just did the hand movements. hehehe.

Anyway, I look like a walking trash bag but it's okay lol All my windows are closed and door's locked. LOL. 



Day 3: March 13, 2018

Monday, March 5, 2018


So it took me four days to decide that I should get into the game again. Health and schedule permitted so I went with Jane and Emil again to the gym. Gil couldn't come because his brother met an accident and had to be sutured. #BrotherNaNurseDuties 

Anyway, Coach Joseph was there and told us to do the weight training instead of the circuit. Everyone's doing the same anyway. And it was exciting.

The routine was:
  1. DB squat - We held a 10-pound dumbbell and did squats 20 times.
  2. Plate raise - You should lift the plate and then rotate it to the left and right as if you're driving. This freaking felt like hell to the arms.
  3. Jump Squat - You clasp your hands as if in prayer and then you jump to land on a squatting position. 
  4. Mid Push-ups - You're on your knees, lying face down, propped on your arms, your feet raised and crossed. And then you do your push-ups. This is death, believe me.
  5. One-leg plank - You do the plank, your body balanced on your toes and elbow. Only, one leg is raised. 20 seconds. It was a breeze the first time, but was a total bitch the next.
  6. Dumbbell Row - Typical weight lifting. 20 times per repetition. Pain comes on the second time, I swear.
  7. Dumbbell Lift - You know the weight lifting competitions? You do that, only you don't raise it above your head. Plus, you keep your knees and your back straight if you can. It's the most fun for me, especially if combined with breathing exercises. If not done with the plank and push-up, I would have completed more of this, to be honest. It just have to be performed with caution as lifting is risky for the spine.
I did two reps. I couldn't finish the third.


We agreed to come back tomorrow night for the circuit and core training. So good luck. Argh. LOL

DAY 2: March 5, 2018

Thursday, March 1, 2018

It started as a joke between Emil and I, until it actually materialized; and just tonight, we enrolled in a fitness gym in Marilao Bulacan with his wife, Jane, and Gil. All of us driven by the purpose to actually (and for real) lose weight.


Pound for Pound Fitness is a relatively new fitness gym situated in Ibayo, Marilao, Bulacan. It is on the third floor of the building just beside BarKo and in front of the Marilao Fire Station. Very accessible as it only one jeep ride away from our houses. The annual membership fee costs 500.00 but you have to pay another set of fee for the training itself. So we opted to register for a month first so it wouldn't be too much of a waste should we decide to discontinue. lol. That's 1000Php so total damage is 1500Php. That is inclusive of an unlimited access to the gym and its facilities and services of a trainer.

I have to point this out though. This isn't a normal gym where high end facilities can be found. This offers circuit training so it will really pose an intense challenge to your stamina.



So as you can see on the photo above, the gym is quite small but there are these routines you have to perform on these obstacles (?). You jump, you run, you push a 45-kilogram metal stand, and more. Challenging? You wouldn't know what that means until you've tried this.


First, the trainer told us to jog first to sweat. Gil came late but he did the same thing anyway. LOL. After the warm-up, we had to do some more using the weights and plates. I don't know what the routines are called but they're no joke. For someone who had just came out of the hospital, the routines were very, very difficult. It was so difficult for me that I had to stop halfway through the training and go out of the gym to breathe. For the first time in so many years, I felt like blacking out because everything felt so numb and I couldn't hear anyone clearly anymore. 

I know it was absurd, considering I went there to improve myself, but I cannot die on the first day. So I decided to ask the coach if I can skip the other rounds and he agreed as he noticed my situation. But he told me that it's just a matter of conditioning my body. Once I've gotten it used to the training, everything will be easy. 

So I decided to give the second round a try and I did. I had to do some stretching and squats though so I can properly function. Hehe. 


I really thought I wouldn't want to continue but when I realized that I actually paid to do this, I just can't let that go to waste. Besides, I've got good company. What's there to think twice about?

True enough, it's all about determination. Like what I kept on telling myself when I was warming up, I will get to nowhere if I wouldn't be able to get through the challenges of weight loss. I guess, it's enough motivation that I really want to get fit and be thin again. 181 lbs. isn't me, after all. I'm so, so far from that.


***


My parents were wondering what made me decide to finally do this. And while I didn't give them an answer, I thought to myself that one of the main reasons why I got depressed was because of how I look like. So in order to step out of the darkness, I'm taking one more step into the light. It will be difficult, especially that I am undeniably busy and I've got lots of deadlines going on; but it will be fine. 

And in the end, it will all be worth it.

In order to motivate myself more, I've designed a tracker on my bullet journal. Every five pounds lost entitles me to a self-reward. First is a new printer once I hit 175 lbs. I'll keep this blog updated once I have achieved it. <3


Current weight: 181 lbs.
Goal weight: 135 lbs.




DAY 1: March 1, 2018

Wednesday, February 21, 2018

Para sa marami, masaya kapag umuulan. Ang tunog ng bawat patak na nakikipagniig sa bubong na yero ng mga bahay-bahay, ang mapagpahingang samyo ng paligid dulot ng paghahalo ng tubig at lupa, ang malamig na simoy ng hangin na tila nagduduyan sa kanila patungo sa pagtulog ng mahimbing – lahat ito ay dahilan para sabihin ng marami na masaya sila kapag umuulan. Ulan ang nagsisilbing pagtakas nila mula sa kani-kanilang nakakapagod na mundo. Ulan ang nagsisilbing kanlungan ng kanilang mga pagod na puso. Ulan ang nagbibigay sa kanila ng dahilan para huminto at magpahinga sa pakikipaglaban sa buhay na mayroon ang bawat isa sa kanila.
Para sa marami, masaya kapag umuulan.
Para sa akin, hindi.

Sa tuwing yayakap ang dilim sa kalangitan habang ako ay naglalakad sa labas ng aming bahay patungo kung saan, hindi ko mapakalma ang puso ko. Ang bilis ng tibok nito na tila nagpapahiwatig na may hindi magandang mangyayari ang namamayani sa tuwing makikita ko ang mga tao sa aking paligid na nagmamadali, tumatakbo, naghahanap ng kanya-kanyang masisilungan, sakaling magsimula nang bumuhos ang malakas na ulan.
Hindi ako kampante. Hindi ako kalmado. Dulot ng ulan sa akin ay ang matinding takot na baka sa pagbuhos ng ulan mula sa madilim na kalangitan, lamunin ng tubig ang lahat sa aking paligid at tuluyan akong malunod…
Malunod sa mga alaala ng nakaraang hindi mawaglit sa aking isipan kahit anong pilit ko.

Ayoko ng ulan. Ayoko ng mga bagay na nagpapaalala sa akin ng nakaraan. Ayokong gumising sa umaga na matindi ang kabog ng puso dahil alam kong wala akong panlaban sa sakit na dulot ng tunog ng bawat patak, ng halimuyak ng paligid, ng lamig ng panahon. Ayokong makumbinsi na sa mga panahon na ganito, gusto ko ng kasama dahil ito yung mga pagkakataon na alam ko at alam ng Diyos na hindi ko kayang mag-isa.




For most times, I've always considered myself a disgrace. When you're suffering from anxiety and depression at the same time, such conclusion is never difficult to arrive at. I mean, it happens. I feel so lacking, so much like a burden to everyone I work with. Constant validations are a necessity and the paradox of my personality always demand to be felt.

It sounds like I'm so fucked up, but yes, I am.

But during times when life decides to shed some light on my darkest days, I just find myself feeling so accomplished. And then I just tell myself: "Hey, you're actually doing well."

For many, it seems so out of my character; but it has turned into a lifestyle - a major part of who I really am - from being a mere deviation from who I used to be. Fourteen years ago, I have started as an awkward, soul-searching teenager in a youth group in our parish until I became a photographer, a layout artist, an advocate of church cultural heritage, and then eventually appointed (unbelievably) as the head of a commission with sixteen organizations under its umbrella. That equates to almost 800 persons - of all ages - under my authority, my responsibility.

Whoever would think and say that it is easy deserves a good punch in the gut. The current parish administration had been spearheading a complete upgrade in the community since three years ago. And as we're dealing with traditional parishioners who have been so used to the olden ways, instigating necessary changes that would allow us all to keep up with the times, is totally daunting.

With this said, it isn't a question why I have expressed a million times before that I want to quit. Up until now, I am so convinced that the only way to get to live the life I've always wanted - free and self-serving - is to lose something I've always lived with: the church.


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