I kept on saying I’m not gonna watch Seventeen’s concert. But on the eve of the first day, I accepted the offer of a friend to buy for me and immediately got myself a VIP Standing ticket. Marupok na kung marupok pero I spent sleepless nights thinking about it and I knew it’s no longer just FOMO. It was about my mental health and how I will be for the rest of the year.
Hindi naman ako agad-agad bumigay, shempre. The reason why I had to wait until Friday was because I prayed. I asked for a sign from St. Therese of Child Jesus and St. Andrew Kim Taegon. I told them that if I will see a bouquet of roses before the concert, it means I can go to the concert with peace of mind - at pagbalik ko sa bahay, my parents will be fine and there’ll be not even an ounce of regret na I’ll have additional debt (no pressure though, no interests, pay when able).
I was so careful about mentioning this to others kasi baka madinig ni Meta at magpakita ng kung ano-ano. I refuse to look around din whenever I go somewhere outside the office kasi ayokong isipin ko later on na I forced it.
The whole Thursday, there was nothing. But on Friday, nagparamdam na bigla yung mga rosas. The first one was when I saw the profile picture of an “influencer” holding a rose. I don’t like the girl but I paid attention to the fact na isa lang ang hawak niya. I told myself na hindi yun counted. I asked for a bouquet, or atleast madami. I kept on browsing through Facebook and came across this ad of an online flower store. Puro bouquets pero walang roses, when normally meron sila.
Nung mga oras na yon, akala ko wala na talagang pag-asa. Unti-unti ko na tinatanggap yun eh. I don’t want to go against the prayer and decide on my own kasi parents ko yung sinangkalan ko.
But suddenly, I came across this tweet about Hanahaki disease when I was checking out MinWon’s White Midnight teasers. It was a scene from a manga where a guy was coughing while there’s a set of xray images of his brain on the side of his hospital room. And sa next picture, there’s a closeup shot of the xray images, and boom… roses.
Hanahaki disease, after all, is a fictional disease wherein a person coughs roses with thorns if his love isn’t reciprocated. Yun yung madalas na nagiging cause of death because tumutubo yung halaman sa loob niya.
Now, if that isn’t a sign, then I don’t know what is. So I went back home early and bought the ticket.
Cut to the concert day.
Before I left the house, nag-away pa kami ni Mama at Daddy because it felt like they don’t want me to go. Pero kailangan ko kasi kaya nga siguro ko pinapanood ng concert para makapagpahinga from all the unplanned responsibilities eh, pero parang ambigat sa loob nila na paalisin ako. Parang kailangan may isipin ako sa concert at hindi ako magsaya - kase nasa bahay sila at walang kasama, dahil hirap na hirap na daw sila, dahil “ano ba naman yang concert na yan? Dapat nagdadasal ka lang! Kaya sumasama ang mundo eh!”
Eventually, daddy apologized and mama never did. Pero tumuloy pa rin ako. And while waiting for the concert, pinalabas yung MV ng Love, Money, Fame. And yes, may scenes dun na may hawak na bouquet of roses si Mingyu.
That moment, I was alone, pero nangilabot talaga ko. Like is this a reminder na pwede ako magpahinga? Na once again, God used Seventeen to convince me na okay lang ako tumakas saglit. Okay lang na piliin ko muna sarili ko. Okay lang na kahitt minsan, ako yung masunod. Ang galing ng instruments ni God. From my friend to Seventeen, and to another friend na willing sunduin ako after the concert para madali ako makauwi.
I want to think na deserve ko pala.
Saka na ko magkukwento ng concert stuff. Sa ngayon, gusto ko lang maging thankful. Nagnunurse ako ng PCD ngayon pero mas mabuti na yung pakiramdam ko. Iba kase talaga yung saya pag may Seventeen ka. :’)
