Saturday, October 11, 2014

I was asked this typical question this evening by a young friend. While my other friends were probably trying to come up with a good answer, I immediately replied it's a mere illusion. They cursed at me for not believing on it - throwing their replies which basically goes around the idea of it being forever. I smirked. It isn't eternal.

Many people are blinded by the idea of love lasting until the end of time when clearly, no human being is capable of giving that much. Only God can reward us with such gift. Love, like any other human emotions, fade. It's not permanent. At one point, two people in love will fall out of it and will go back to being platonic.

But you know what works? Faith and respect.

When you have faith on one person, you respect him/her. When you have respect, you believe in him. When you have faith and respect towards someone, it means you love that person. I really believe it's automatic. And that alone assures eternity. That alone assures forever.

I know I'm not a guru to say this. I'm just a mere 25-year-old woman who had a lot of experiences already when it comes to this field. Of course, I still need to know more. But right now, I am very firm on this.

We tend to worship the idea of love from other people. We tend to believe that it is more than it actually is. Love is love, and it is important; but without faith and respect, what exactly is it? Believe me, it's just a sum. Just a mere answer to an equation. It is just an illusion people create to have a strong excuse for (sometimes) feeling the strongest emotions - or having the most stupid ideas.

Am I making sense?


What is Love?

Monday, October 6, 2014

For the past three months, I've been working my ass off without stopping - in hope to find a good way to find sustaining finances, after being terminated from C&E Holidays without warnings on my birthday. In order to earn, I've decided to push through with all types of part time jobs and businesses, where I was required to eat my pride and instill in my mind that at this moment, this is just what I am.

I don't want to complain. I should not complain. But I need to admit and express that at the end of each day, I'm tired. I'm exhausted. I'm barely breathing. And I don't know if I can pretend to be alright and strong in the next few weeks.

I need a break, but for someone like me, I cannot afford that.


To be honest, I could have taken everything lightly; but it's just so disappointing and frustrating to realize that most times, I work for nothing. No, exclude the church works. I'm happy with that. This is from another thing which I thought was actually the best thing that happened to me ever since I was shamelessly ejected from my former Singapore travel agency company.

It's just that I feel so small. What was supposedly something big for everyone had reduced me into a tiny fragment I cannot distinguish. Who am I? What am I here?

Sigh.

Maybe I just didn't expect myself to be shouted at and blamed. And I especially didn't expect anyone to hung the phone on me when I'm not yet done talking.



And Tears Came Falling...

When fear overpowers the will to do something, it's either you succumb or you fight back.

I am in a crossroad right now. I do feel both: the desire and fear. But in a way, reality's leaning towards the second option more. I haven't gotten over the past, after all.

And the result?

I currently feel numb.

Numb

Wednesday, October 1, 2014


I know. There are some people who think that volunteering in the church is a light form of service. Many assume that since we're in the church and this is the House of God, filled with blessings and all, there's no stress and pressure in there. 

Twelve years ago, that was what I thought. Twelve years after, I realized it was completely the opposite.

Volunteering in the church requires one to know how to multi-task. There is not much people who would render their time and effort to something that won't pay them at all, let's face it. So it takes a whole lot of deal on knowing a lot of things to be fully effective in this kind of service. Of course, there's no preferences. Anyone can offer something they can do, but it's just good to know a lot of things.

Because serving in the church is a daunting task that most times, I need to stay up late to finish designs for tarpaulins which will be printed the next day. Sometimes, I even had to rush myself to come up with something within 15 minutes to beat the deadline. There are also moments when I have to cancel getaways and trips just to fulfill my responsibilities.

Talking with my friends, we often pull all-nighters just to prepare for big events - which are often planned and finalized a few days earlier. We're used to cramming and rush though, but still, not everyone can handle that, right? Also, we tend to release a lot of money while volunteering. When things have to be completed and we're short with money, funds come from our personal pockets. 

Now who said being a church volunteer is easy?

This is not - in any way - belittling the other forms of church volunteering. It's just that we have to clear the assumptions that people in the church are just laid back because money keeps pouring in from the donations and what-nots. It's not like that. 

To those asking why we're doing this, I can provide you with my own personal thoughts: We're doing this because we want to. This is our form of sacrifice, penitence, and compromise with God. We do this because we want to be forgiven, because we want to ask for something. Religious life, after all, applies the give-and-take principle after all. God surely can give us everything, but decent human beings know that we need to give God everything as well. 

Furthermore, serving in the church paves way to real friendship and family. Working in the parish and dedicating my time to my responsibilities allowed me to meet beautiful and wonderful people who are now huge parts of my religious life. And I'm just so thankful. Very thankful.

Who Said Serving the Church is Easy?

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