Totally Scared

It's month-end once more. Although I have paid my bills already, I can't help but feel really worried because I have debts to settle and I've got no fucking idea where I should get the money to pay them. It's painstakingly difficult trying to make all ends meet, especially when I have no means of proper income the past few months. I have a few dollars left, courtesy of my cousin in Australia, but I am intending that for another business I want to venture out on.

So right now, I'm fucking freaking out.

Last night, Tito Lino told me to wait a little more. To be honest, I wouldn't mind because I trust him. I have a lot of tasks to complete in the church and I need to get it all done before I actually enter the world of regular employment once more.

But then, having an assurance from the president of the company I applied at still won't calm me down. At this moment, I am feeling so scared for my future and my family's as well. Having no job is like having no clear image of my future. It's hard to even just imagine and dream because I don't even know where I am right now, so how would I know where I'm headed?

Raking my mind for ideas on how to earn money and realizing how much of a burden I've been to my parents, I am pushed to the edge. I blame myself for not knowing anything about business, I swear. I blame myself for not being lucky. I blame myself for not being good enough.

But I need to try because there's no point in giving up. I have a family who depends on me. I have a family who needs me. They, after all, are my sole reasons to live.