Thursday, January 22, 2015


It might be a little late but Happy Feast Day, St. Agnes!

She's the first saint whose life I've read when I was barely 7. I was in Grade 1 St. Agnes and that sparked my curiosity about who this saint was. Mom, fortunately, bought me a book and from there, the inspiration budded. 

However, it was only last year when I got to visit a chapel dedicated to her. 

In Bulakan, Bulacan, her image made of ivory is displayed in a small chapel in a small town named after her. According to stories, it was found in a nearby river by fishermen who couldn't pull it out of the water. But when a woman tried, she easily lifted it up and from there sprung the belief that only women can touch the image.

It might be so peculiar to many but according to the locals in Sta. Ines, it was the beautiful mystery of it. Once, a priest decided to touch it during his sermon and the unthinkable happened. Thunders roared suddenly and rain poured heavily. An impossible folklore, you say? I don't think so. We talked to actual witnesses of the events. The way they relate the story was believable.

Since then, no man dared to touch the image.

When we went there, I was the only girl in the group. Thus, I was the only one who managed to venerate and get close to the saint. While my friends were just taking pictures from a distance, I can do close-ups and all.

But the highlight of the visit was the fact that I managed to carry the image.

Maybe it's because of my friends' influence, but I have long believed that the weight of an image depends on the person carrying it. As ridiculous as it may sound to non-believers, we've always believed that if the saint doesn't want you to carry his/her image, you wouldn't be able to because of the heavy weight.

And so that's why when I asked St. Agnes if I could carry her image even for just a split second, I was grateful when she allowed me to. She was heavy, but light enough for my weak arms to handle. It was an awesome experience. I feel so blessed!

Before we went home, I whispered a little prayer. I asked her for blessings. I have told my deepest desires, my most wonderful dreams. I pleaded for her guidance that she may teach me her ways to the Lord.

And now that we're commemorating her feast day (albeit being one-day late), I want to remember the kind of faith I've felt that day when we visited her image. And remind myself to come back there one day and join the other Catholics in Bulacan in revering her untainted holiness.


Happy feast day to the patron of virgins.
St. Agnes, pray for us.

The Patron of Virgins

Tuesday, January 20, 2015

photo from the internet

I didn’t get to see the pope.

Maybe I’ve got reasons, or maybe I don’t, but yeah, I didn’t get to see Pope Francis during his recently concluded visit in the Philippines. From time to time, I feel envious whenever I check on my TV and my computer for updates. Now imagine how much more whenever I see posts from my real-life friends who got to see him up-close, even for just a few seconds. They said the feeling was different. The holiness was really contagious. The joy was overflowing. The tears were unstoppable. 

And hearing them, I smile.

I didn’t get to see the pope, but that doesn’t mean I couldn’t feel the same way.

In spite of keeping track of the daily updates about the Papal visit only via live telecasts and radio broadcasts, I have to say that I am among the millions who feel blessed. The moment he landed on Philippine soil, I was at the bell tower of our parish, ringing the bells to proclaim the joy of his arrival. Upon coming home, I focused on the news immediately.

Albeit seemingly ‘fanatic’, the tears just won’t stop. Everytime the Pope’s face appears on my screen, I shriek in delight because it feels so surreal knowing that the Holy Father is finally breathing the same air as I do. No more need to fly off to Rome. No more need to dream of meeting him in a pilgrimage or a worldwide congregation. He came to the Philippines, my country. How can I not be touched?

His mere presence in the country had allowed me to feel enlightened. During his stay, I was amazed by the Filipino people. I have seen how it is possible for us to maintain the discipline I’ve long been wanting to see imposed on us. I have realized that there is still a possibility for unity among us all. I have witnessed how achievable it is to put the rich and the poor in one place, all together for one cause and one purpose. I have found hope among my race.

Now, now. Let’s not talk about the politicians. Like Pope Francis said, let’s just focus on the things that mattered.

STRIKING MOMENTS

Photo from the Vatican Press

Like all others, I’ve got my favorite parts of the Pope’s visit. And that would be his speeches delivered during encounters. The opportunity to collect more Pope Francis quotes was right at my face! When he went to Malacañan Palace for a courtesy call, I loved how he pointed out that government officials should not be corrupt. I hope they got the message.

In the Meeting of the Families held at MOA Arena, I loved how he insisted on the importance of family in making this world a better place. He had clearly identified prayer as the greatest weapon in building a strong bond among family members, and he had stressed upon us the need to be compassionate among the people who grew up with none.

On the third day, the Pope flew to Tacloban despite the harsh weather conditions. As far as I know, the organizers were actually thinking of cancelling the trip to the Yolanda-hit area but the Holy Father that he has to go there, as this trip was for him. The humility!

To say that the Tacloban experience was humbling was an understatement. Hearing his spontaneous sermon was something that really touched my heart. I know I wasn’t directly affected by the typhoon but his words nevertheless affected me. When he said he really wanted to come to the Philippines after the typhoon, I was touched. But the moment he said “I am here to be with you. A little bit late, I have to say, but I am here,’ I totally lost it.

Hearing the Pontiff speak those words made me feel reassured, to be very honest. I don’t know with the others but for so long, those are the exact words that I have longed to hear. The moment that particular sentence was said, I felt like he was just talking to me - giving me comfort, assuring me that I am not alone.

And that very moment, I was convinced that I am not alone.


Just when I thought I am already filled with blessings, the Meeting with the Youth happened in UST. It was a special one for me because at my age, I still fall under this category. I looked forward to it because I know that whatever He’s going to say, it will affect me too. Whatever he will say, it will be for me.

And I was right. The message - that was once again spontaneous - struck me hard - directly on the heart.

The first part was dedicated to the lady who died after the mass in Tacloban. I know she’s no longer with us, but I can’t help but envy her soul. She died knowing her purpose. She died after a sanctifying blessing. It may be tragic but at least she’s safe now, at least she’s home now. So rest in peace, Kristel.

Moving on, the encounter with the youth basically started with the Holy Father noting the importance of women. This is one of my favorite parts. How he stressed the significant roles of women, our uncanny ability to impose questions without answers and know things men don’t, it was relieving - especially nowadays when women are still treated lowly in this society.

He also clarified who the ‘poor’ are. They aren’t just those who lack food to eat, clothing to wear, and those who don’t have shelters above their heads. The ‘poor’ refers to us as well who refuse to receive from the less of our brethrens; us, whose prides won’t allow us to receive from people we believe are less than us.

But then the highlight would be the pope’s response to the young girl’s inquiry. Why did God let the children suffer when the children are not at fault? Frankly speaking, I never expected that question. It must have taken the child a lot of guts to actually ask that. But then, I remembered when Pope Francis said ‘Do not be afraid to ask God why,’ and I knew she did the right thing.

The Holy Father didn’t have an answer to the question. He admitted that. Instead, he just hugged the crying child and comforted her through her sufferings. This left a huge mark on the pope, on me, and on everyone else. Then during his sermon, the Pontiff said something which will forever be etched in my memory: Do not be afraid to cry.

Let me share you my favorite part of his speech:

Why do children suffer so much? Why do children suffer? When the heart is able to ask itself and weep, then we can understand something. There is a worldly compassion which is useless. You expressed something like this. It’s a compassion that makes us put our hands in our pockets and give something to the poor. But if Christ had had that kind of compassion he would have greeted a couple of people, given them something, and walked on. But it was only when he was able to cry that he understood something of our lives. Dear young boys and girls, today’s world doesn’t know how to cry. The emarginated people, those left to one side, are crying. Those who are discarded are crying. But we don’t understand much about these people in need. Certain realities of life we only see through eyes cleansed by our tears. I invite each one here to ask yourself: have I learned how to weep? Have I learned how to weep for the emarginated or for a street child who has a drug problem or for an abused child? Unfortunately there are those who cry because they want something else.

This is the first thing I want to say: let us learn how to weep as she has shown us today and let us not forget this lesson. The great question of why so many children suffer, she did this in tears. The response that we can make today is: let us really learn how to weep.

In the Gospel, Jesus cried for his dead friend, he cried in his heart for the family who lost its child, for the poor widow who had to bury her son. He was moved to tears and compassion when he saw the crowds without a pastor. If you don’t learn how to cry, you cannot be a good Christian. This is a challenge. When they posed this question to us, why children suffer, why this or that tragedy occurs in life – our response must be either silence or a word that is born of our tears. Be courageous, don’t be afraid to cry.

We were brought up in a society where we were made to believe that crying is for the weak. During our childhood, we were always reprimanded for crying. We were always shushed, told to be quiet. Even when we get ourselves hurt, we were told by our parents that we shouldn’t cry because we are strong. We cannot cry. We cannot weep. Because if we do, we won’t be strong. And we all want to be strong.

The pope downright discarded that belief. He said that crying is a sign of courage.

And at this very trying moment, that was exactly what I need.

Through his messages, the pope had presented himself to be an ordinary friend who listened to our thoughts, our opinions, our ideas. He identified himself as an ordinary person who suffers the same sufferings as ours, and experiences the same joys as we do.  As I watched him on TV, I didn’t see the head of state of the Vatican. I didn’t even see the leader of billions of Catholics around the world. Instead, I saw an inspiration, a mentor, a friend, a person who understands.

And to be honest, I saw Jesus in him.

CONCLUDING MIRACLE

photo from ibtimes

Yesterday, after the Pope departed for Rome, a friend sent me a message. She said she’s crying two days straight already because she wasn’t able to see the pope. Apparently, she felt like she didn’t try hard enough to take part in this probably-once in a lifetime event. She had no one to leave her son to and it was too risky to take him to the event - with throngs of people around.

I was in the jeep with my mother when I saw the message, yet I couldn’t help but smile. I knew how she was feeling because for a few days, I was feeling so down that I won’t be able to see the Pope. But you know what consoled me? Pope Francis had clearly expressed that the focus of this visit shouldn’t be him, but Jesus. I told my friend then that there was no need to feel bad about not being there, because what matters is that she had absorbed the lessons taught and that it had rekindled and set ablaze the fire of faith within her. Also, the pope had been continuously promoting family values in all his visits so I doubt that he would be pleased if he’ll know that a mother left her child to see him.

The friend told me that she felt better after talking to me, and I felt twice as much. Somehow, the replies weren’t just for her. It was also for me. And as I ponder on my own words, I feel wonderful.


 I didn’t get to see the pope. But even through my TV screen, I got to feel God’s grace. And with that, I know, the purpose of this Papal Visit 2015 had been served well on me. It definitely went well.



Viva Il Papa! Mabuhay ka, Papa Francesco!


I Didn't Get to See the Pope

Tuesday, January 6, 2015


I'm jumping onto the bandwagon. We're 6 days into the new year and I'm once again trying to get back in shape. As embarrassing as it is to admit, I actually hit a record-high weight of 78 kilos and is officially tagged as obese. Just last night, I finally felt its repercussions and that's when I realized that I really need to get back on track.

Starting again is never easy. Last time I felt motivated, it took me a few months to really begin. It took me a whole lot of deal looking through diet tips on the internet. What a stubborn mind I have, right? But I guess I've taken into consideration the extremity of my current situation that I think things will be easier this time... hopefully.


So this morning, I took out my best ally, the sauna suit; put it on; and decided to do my personal version of a workout - general cleaning. It may not be as reliable as an actual trip to the gym but for now, it compensates. It's like hitting two birds in one stone. I get to sweat profusely, and I get to help my parents with the house chores - albeit looking like a walking garbage bag. HAH!

As for the food I'm eating, I decided not to do a crash diet. It had taken its toll on my body the last time I did, resulting to my obesity, so I'll have to be more careful. No pressure though. Just gonna eat less of everything and I'll be fine.


To be honest, I do not put so much focus on losing weight. I may be trying, but I've learned the consequences of forcing myself to do it. I'm practicing discipline but I'm not being harsh with myself, and I guess that's what makes things a lot easier. Being kind to myself indeed makes a lot of difference.



9734123576873th Attempt to Get Back in Shape

Saturday, January 3, 2015

Suddenly, I felt disappointed. And the first set of tears for the year 2015 fell down without warning. With my heart clenching in utter frustration, I try to think about why I'm exactly like this; and honestly, it's because there's no more painful than feeling completely different.

The depression carries on. We're still three days into the new year and I'm still working on boosting my self-confidence. I need to find that discipline, strict discipline to apply to myself if I want to change.

I need to. I should.

First Tears