To be honest, I find it unfair. I'm doing every bit of what I can to forget and denounce the truth that I crave for emotional security and comfort. I bury myself on too much work, hoping to get distracted from all these anxieties - because it's getting more and more intense that it's beginning to scare me so much.
But at the end of the day, the truth remains that I'm a woman in need of a sanctuary where I can rest and relax and be myself again. For a long time now, I've been doing things for other people, forgetting the fact that I also have voids to fill in. I've been neglecting myself because I don't want to face the fearful possibility that I am meant to be this way. It's like I've been getting myself used to it because at the end of the day, it's going to be where I will be.
This sounds so degrading but isn't it better to start believing this now than to expect something that will never come?
My strength is a facade. I am a normal human being, vulnerable to pain and depression. I am not invincible. I am not a superhero. I get tired. I get exhausted. I need attention. I need care. I need someone to tell me "Hey, drop your sword for a moment and rest. I'm going to be the strong one for you this time."
I'm not asking for too much. I can always be strong for myself, but at this moment, I just feel so depleted and naturally, I need to recharge. But I cannot do that - not when there are people depending on me for their own lives.
I am stuck in a unique dimension where there are no options. I do believe in fate, and maybe this is mine. And I'm confused. I'm terribly caught in between. And I'm suffering.
