Showing posts with label motivation blog. Show all posts
Showing posts with label motivation blog. Show all posts

Thursday, February 5, 2015

Have you ever felt so stagnant? Like whatever you do, no matter how hard you try, you just can’t seem to move forward? Like you’re just running around in circles, figuring out how to get out of the depressing loop called ‘life’ but no matter what take you turn, you’ll just end up on step one?

I have. And it wasn’t a very pleasant experience.

For years, I’ve strived but it all became tumultuous when I lost my job last year, June. I was in the dark, blind and clueless as to where I will be getting the motivation and determination to get back at my feet again.

Months later, I knew I wanted to open a T-shirt business. My cousin gave me enough finances to start on it and I teamed up with friends for the whole process. We’re a few months old now and I’ve sold quite a number of shirts already. It was good business, money was regularly coming in; until I realized that I’m not making any progress. Sure, I was selling my shirts and designs but no, I’m not really growing.

One thought and it had my whole life collapsing again.

I tried to think about what’s wrong; and during one tricycle ride to I-forgot-where, it was a eureka moment.

I don’t move forward because I’m doing these things for the wrong reasons. I live with the wrong motivations. Everything in my life - all my dreams, goals - seem to be created by the simple fact that I am jealous of others living the life I’ve always dreamed to have. Envy drives me and it’s not exactly a good thing. I am doing what I do for something so negative and that, I guess, is one of the main reasons why nothing seems to improve.

Sure, slight envy towards others is good to light that spark of determination in oneself; but I might have let it dominate me. Along the way, I might have let it eat me whole that it became my actual motivation. Maybe not generally, but it plays a great part.

Now which plays the biggest role in this wrong motivation thing? Revenge.

I do things to take revenge. I have this intense hunger to prove myself to people who wronged me. I always tell myself that once I become successful, I will put these people in their proper places. Because you see, the desire to succeed had created this whole illusion that I’m better than everyone else. It had mounted me into a non-existent pedestal. Maybe I can’t be blamed totally, thanks to the painful experiences I had with people I’m talking about; but then, life’s not about revenge. It is never about revenge.

This, I believe, is the biggest problem in me. I want to go up to bring others down. Unconsciously, that was what had been running in my mind all this time; and only now did I realize how ironic I’ve always been.


I said I have thought of all this during my 10-minute tricycle ride, right? But apparently, it has been in my mind for a long time now. It’s just that I’m not paying attention. Now that it has surfaced into my knowledge what actually is holding me back, I pondered on it and felt a lot better knowing what the problem is. At least, I can now work on redesigning my way of thinking and formulating the best solutions to totally eradicate this kind of paradox.

Like all other beginnings, it will be difficult, of course. I believe in destiny. I believe in fate. I believe that if this is happening, then this is what is meant to happen. But then, above all, I believe in a God who rewards His children who do good and reprimands those who were astray; a God who forgives those who ask for forgiveness and repent on their sins; and a God who wishes nothing but success to His creation.


Re-reading what I’ve written, I let out a smile. I guess I’ve just found a better motivation now.


Why I Can't Seem to Move Forward with Life

Thursday, April 17, 2014

I feel like I’m caught in between. Things are happening and as much as we want it to stop, it wouldn’t. Words spread like fire, based on unjustified impressions, fueling irresponsible and disrespectful actions – all for the sake of reputation and popularity.

I have gone to obscurity, as it’s the only way out. Eleven years and I have finally opened my eyes to see a kind of reality which I hoped didn’t exist. Yet, it does. And there is clearly nothing I could do about it, except to stand on my ground solidly – and wish that living within this principle will earn me even just a piece of the elusive righteousness we all ought to have.

I have made a choice, as did many others who understand, who know. I have chosen to look at the side others refuse to pay attention to. I have decided to see what others won’t look at.

If this decision will create walls between generations and will jeopardize my position as a silent, feather-light sheep… then so be it.

OF ALL THINGS CRUEL

Six months since changes began. I should have known well that nothing is meant to be perfect, and change is a much dreaded reality for some people. The fortification erected around the privileged was shaken, threatening positions established and reputations built. And naturally, violent reactions are in order.

And maybe, that’s what I wasn’t able to prepare myself for.

Sharp words slash through our ears, and our eyes bleed in seeing what we never expected. It wasn’t anything I should personally concern myself about fully. But I guess, if you support what is right and due, you won’t be able to just stand still and silently stare as things transpire.

Changes are inevitable, we always say. But it terribly confuses me how those who have taught us such truth are the first ones to refuse it. How is it fair to constantly compare two polar opposites? How is it alright to just judge without looking at the two sides of the story? How is it okay to demand to receive when people, themselves, seem to not have the intention to give?

Clearly, age doesn’t define maturity. It is not really words that justify characters, but the actions people exhibit when their comfort zones are threatened.

And because of this, I have realized that for all this time, I have put my faith in the wrong set of models.

THE CHOICE I MADE

With all that’s happening, I found my “emotional caretaker” instincts kicking in. Inside me boils that strong desire to defend people who know what they’re doing. Respect begets respect; and through proper ways I’m introduced to, I’m determined to make that known.

The confidence in me stems not from my background. It is rooted from the fact that there are a lot of things I know which others don’t. There are a lot of information we conceal because it’s not the right time yet – plans which people think I’m not supposed to know, simply because I AM JUST A CHILD.

But even without this knowledge, I am pretty certain I wouldn’t give in to the current trend of hating. I am sure that I would still end up supporting what I do now. Because I know how to give the benefit of the doubt; because it is in my personality to give people time to prove themselves, because it does take time to do so.

Once, I was told that changing something that has long been there is impossible. But I say otherwise. Whatever we are today is just a product of changes our forefathers had gone through before. They had gone through changes that resulted to the norms of this generation. If that’s the case, what’s impossible?

Changes are the only constant things in life; so those who refuse to accept that may die now.





The Choice I Made

Friday, April 11, 2014

As part of my work, I usually go to Stumbleupon for inspirations on which to write next. This morning, I once again delved into its exciting clicking and came across this site. It's like a quiz or survey that helps you determine what you want to be for the year 2014. I know, I know. It's April, but it's never too late!


After answering several questions, I ended up with the dreams above; and it struck me how honest this was. Hah! Everything seems to be really accurate, including that love idea.

We're in the second quarter of the year; and so far, I think I'm doing good. I'm learning how to balance my time and enjoy myself at the same time. I am opening up my doors to new opportunities, even if that requires me to step out of my comfort zone - slowly taking steps to reaching my goals. And yes, I am beginning to dream. I have found the importance of having even at least one thing to believe in and I'm getting by.

And as for love, yes, I'm starting to open up. The idea of not getting married is slowly disappearing, and with luck, I'll find that one man who would be brave enough to break through the walls even I cannot take down.

The year 2014 started right for me, and hopefully it will continue on and on. 



It's April but One Site Just Figured Out What I Really Wanted to Do This Year

Eleven years. It has been eleven years since I first opened my eyes to service. I must admit it wasn’t entirely because of dedication that I joined a youth group. I have to admit that I was driven by the thirst to prove something to myself and to other people; that I can do something and become of importance to this world.

There had been ups and downs. Countless of times, I fell and got up and then fell down again. It was a never-ending cycle that I’ve been through for more than a decade, and honestly? It was tiring. The desire to prove was still ablaze and seeing myself not getting anywhere felt so pathetic that I just wanted to quit.

Good thing, I didn’t.

During the eleven long years I have been in this ministry, I have to admit that more than half of it was spent on wrong purposes. I have blindly walked through the pathways of ‘leadership’, pushed by pride and dishonest drives. I have stepped on people, created illusions, believed in the phantom of a ‘bigger and more important person’ that I wanted to be… only to realize how wretched my status was.

I worked hard to be liked, only to be hated in the end.

Funny how it took me so long to realize that instead of getting to my goal, I’m actually drifting farther away. I looked back and contemplated on what I’ve been doing with my life and understood – finally – that all this time, I’m doing it wrong.

The problem with me was that I have picked the right destination but took the wrong way to get to it. I used the wrong methods and lived for the wrong purposes. In the end, it backfired on me; and yes, it took me a decade and a year to eat my pride and say ‘okay, I’m getting back to step one.’

And when I did, everything began to fall to its proper places.

Last night, Luwi and I were talking about what we’re doing. The Holy Week is fast approaching and no one could even bat an eyelash because of the tight schedules and piling responsibilities that we all have to act upon. We thought it was tiring, but as we look at the brighter side of things: it is rewarding.

As I write this, I am confident that gone are the days when I want to prove myself. Even Luwi’s convinced that this time, we’re doing it all right. We’re doing it because we want to; because we have agreed to serve God, St. Francis and the rest of those who we have devoted ourselves to. We’re doing all these because we have committed ourselves to service.

On this part, let me admit that sometimes, it hurts when other people think we’re doing this for fame and money. First of all, popularity is a normal thing and I see it as a mere side-effect of service. There is completely nothing wrong with being famous, except when you allow it to get into your head. And to be honest, I don’t think I’ll be comfortable with the thought that will people will know my name. I might not seem like it but I have always downplayed with everything I do. I love working in the background because I don’t want others to like me for what I can do.

Plus, popularity means more responsibilities. And as much as I’m enjoying, I don’t want to force myself in doing things I don’t really intend doing. Service is fun because I do what I want to do. Being famous will surely push me out of that comfort zone.

And money? All things I’m doing for my service, I do for free. I may have secured connections through what I do though. My service paved way to meeting people that could help me through my financial worries; but my service is out of the question whenever I work for them. We don’t get kickbacks and all. Not even a peso.

Looking back to the past eleven years, I smile at the thought that God has given me that much time to learn. During those ‘training’ years, I have discovered the secrets to being a better server, and a better person in general. I have learned the significance of REAL friendship and responsibilities, as well as time organization. I have also realized how important it is to step out and fight openly what I think and believe is right, through ways that would not disregard my values and morals.

And most importantly? I have learned that there is no better home than in the home of my God.

I know many people look at service shallowly; but I still encourage all of you to try. It never hurts to give Him time. You will even gain so much from it.

I Trained for Eleven Years to Be A Better Person, Even Just a Little Bit

Tuesday, March 25, 2014

Our finances are the main issue today in the family. We are buried in debts and our savings are constantly depleting. Real talk here: I, myself, have nothing left in my bank account but a few hundred pesos; and to be honest, it scares me. The threat of emergencies which I would need to spend on haunts me.

That’s why I decided to brave the possibilities and stray away from my comfort zone. I have chosen to take the path of a freelance person long ago; and I thought that it’s about time that I begin to put more emphasis on it. So to cut the story short, I decided to work on three jobs at a time.

This is suicide, you say? No. I see it more as a blessing.

I am a writer. I am a layout designer. I am a business woman. That means I’m working on my three dreams all at the same time. What’s better is that I’m earning because of it, and nothing beats that.

Let’s be frank. My regular salary from my main job is not that small. It’s quite at par with typical office employees in the Philippines. From it alone, I can pay the bills and give my mom enough to get us through the whole month. Sometimes, I can even manage to buy myself some treats from my favorite restaurants or from Nature Republic.

But you see… I don’t want to get contented with that. Am I getting ironic? Just a few days ago, I have written about the Art of Contentment and now I’m saying I don’t want to stick with my salary. Hmm. How do I explain this without sounding so obscure and stupid?

My salary is enough, yes. But I have bigger dreams which I need to fulfill. To do so, I need to earn more. Funny how they say money can’t buy you happiness, right? But the thing is - it can bring you there. Yes, I’m speaking about my lifetime dream of going to South Korea. In order to obtain a visa, I need proofs that I can support myself there financially and that I’ll come back to the Philippines and not hide there for good. That’s why I have decided to venture into a business which I hope we could register soon. That’s also why I’m eager to meet people who I can work for officially here in the country.

I bet you’re all now thinking that it was such a childish dream. Well as much as I want to disagree, I won’t; because that’s your opinion. So let’s just move on. Haha.

Aside from the ‘Korean dream’, I have always wanted to give gifts to my family. And having ‘just enough’ salary won’t let me do that. I want to buy them whatever they want. I want to bring them to places. I want to show them, particularly my parents, that they did their parenting jobs well on me. I want to be someone they can be proud of – not because I buy them stuff, but because I have managed to get to the position I dream of without help from people who expect me to beg them for assistance.

This is pride talking, perhaps; but I think everybody really does resort to the hidden pain inside their hearts to keep themselves motivated. I have my fair share of it, of course, and I am using that positively to succeed in life.

Having several jobs at the same time is not easy. I have to begin work at 8AM and finish everything by 6. I give myself two hours (at most) so I can go back to my computer and work on another set of tasks from another employer. In between those writing sessions, I will rest my mind by facing Photoshop for my design tasks. Sometimes, I manage the blogs which I handle for additional revenues.

During weekends, I would either spend the whole day in front of the PC and work like it’s an ordinary weekday; or I would be out with my team mates, doing the business we were contracted to do. If I’m lucky, everything will be finished by Saturday and I’ll have my Sundays for rest.

It’s tiring, I know. But it’s fulfilling for me. Maybe it’s just how I look at things? But it really does allow me to expand my boundaries. I’m never comfortable with getting out of my comfort zone; so the only thing left to do is to turn all places I go to into my sanctuary.

I’ve always loved learning new things and having three jobs at a time lets me experience that. I get to understand the techniques and importance of the different values of life; and that’s probably the second best thing that this set up gives.

I’ve mentioned it before. Life isn’t easy for me, but I’ve learned to cope up against its challenges. And frankly speaking, though I stand no chance, I am determined to win.



Wondering Why Some People Work Three Jobs at a Time for Money? Read This to Understand.

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