There is quite an interesting thing going on in my mind right now. I'm actually thinking of not watching EXO's first concert in the Philippines simply because I have this huge instinct I'll be caught off guard with the ticket prices again. Although it's extremely ironic since I am obviously informed that there will indeed be a concert and I am supposed to save as much as I can to score a VVIP ticket immediately, I am apparently in the state of wondering whether I should or should not pay a huge amount for a one-night show.
Non-KPOP friends would feel elated to know I'm having second thoughts about it. I was so convinced that I need to see Luhan and Baekhyun, after all. But then, I think they are what made me think twice too.
The truth is: I kind of fear seeing them in person. Luhan and Baekhyun do not have the ordinary effects on me as a fan. One smile, one word from them and I'm pushed into a state of incompetence. I can't do anything. The softness of their voices and the exquisite beauty of their smiles just drive me to the edge. And I'm not even joking. The possibility of seeing the two of them scares me so much because I'm being like this when I just see them on TV, what more in person?
I don't think my heart could handle that well.
And also, I was beginning to think of my future. KPOP is such a wonderful distraction from reality but at the end of the day, it is still not a part of my reality which I have to face whether I like it or not. My bestfriend told me that above all, I should prioritize investing. And she meant actual investments. Emotional investments on boys who will never know of my existence are never going to earn me money, after all. Everything is fleeting, and that's the truth.
Yet, I still want to watch. I want to take part of this history. I want to be there because it's the only way of giving back to them. After all, they all did me good somehow. They managed to bring me happiness, even for short moments and I need to be grateful for that.
Hopefully, I still have months to think and decide. I know it sounds funny but this is a pretty serious matter to me. LOL. KPOP has been the reason why I still feel happy despite everything that's happened and are happening to me, and I cannot just easily discard that.
