No matter how much I try, I can't help but worry about what others think of me. After that major incident in the office last week, I reflected on my actions and realized that perhaps, what happened made the people around me see me in a different light.
It was all too sudden. Emotions surged in and I couldn't help it. My words became blades, plunging disrespectfully on anyone I cross path with. I was hurt. I was humiliated. I was disrespected. And my fury blinded me that I ended up being that one person who did all those to me.
What made me different from those bitches?
Right now, I know people think I'm such an immature brat. I don't think. I am disrespectful. I wasn't taught manners properly. Maybe, they're even thinking that at 26, I'm still a kid.
But feeling the need for some kind of retribution for myself, I have come to realize that no, I'm not immature. In fact, I have been so mature all my life. For such a long time, I have tried to bridge the gaps and differences each mistake had been bringing us all. I have set aside the piling frustration and disappointments and closed my eyes so I wouldn't see that amidst all the positive things I'm probably making up for myself to believe, something is wrong.
For such a long time, I have been treading on everyone's thinning patience. I tried to be as mature as possible. And last week, I erupted. I guess there's really a limit to everything. I realized that I can't always be the one who understands. I can't always be the one who just deals with everything as if it's okay.
I can't always be the mature one.
I don't honestly know how to feel whenever people refer to me as 'the kid'. But most times, I just let them get away with it. Because most times, those who call me that way just don't know even half of what I've been through. They don't know the need to be a child, simply because I didn't experience it that much. Responsibilities had been dumped on my shoulders even before graduation and there was no time to enjoy my youth. That's why I love being a kid every chance I get. That's why I don't always try to act maturely or always be so stiff and straight about everything in life.
I need to experience how it feels to be young.
Whether it's referred to as immaturity or not, please don't stop me from doing that.
