Thursday, February 26, 2015

So it's real.

There really is prejudice among people in the corporate world. I can feel it. I can feel how people seemed to be doubtful about me whenever they hear that I don't have even the littlest background in banking. Sure, they offer kind and encouraging words of wisdom, but only a few sounded sincere. Only a few sounded like they really welcome me in their community.

Normally, feeling this way would make me go back under my shell. If my old self heard this, she'll hide instantly. But good thing, I'm no longer who I used to be. Meaning, I'm stronger and more susceptible to pain brought by prejudiced impressions about me.

Stereotyping people are part of this world. I have no way of getting rid of them. All I have to do is to actually think like this is just some sort of a challenge I have to overcome. I have to overcome their judgments and replace it with a realization that despite being a Communication graduate, I can learn.

That is why I'm struggling double. I intend to learn everything before we're formally introduced to it. Familiarization is something I really have to work hard on.

Of course, who put me in position plays a great role too; but I've got no problem with that. That person believes in me more than anyone else in the company so I need not to prove myself to others when it comes to this issue.


Anyway... The people at Caloocan were really accommodating and amazing. Although I'm constantly feeling shy with my status, it comforts me that I've got Sheng, Sir Yuji, Renee and Rose to fill me with reminders and advices.

They taught me how to do encoding and printing yesterday. Today, I was introduced to handling requirements and computations. Fun!


You know? I think I can actually last long in this company. I think I really can make it here. And you know what else? I'm glad to be here.


Fighting Prejudice

Wednesday, February 25, 2015

It has indeed been a week since my last entry. Not that it's unusual but this time's just different. It's not just because I don't know what to write about that I couldn't write a blog. Now, it's because I'm too busy with work that I couldn't find time to even check on this site.

Me, leaving the house for work every morning and getting home by nightfall, still amazes me even after a week. It still makes my heart flutter everytime I think that I'm now employed, in spite of still having that probationary status. What matters is that I have found some sense in myself now. I'm no longer that lost, wandering soul. I finally have purpose.

Just yesterday, we were exposed to a real branch. I was assigned at the Camarin Branch (near SM Fairview) but was transferred to Caloocan (Monumento) due to transportation problems. And although tired, the initial experiences were amazing. Yesterday, I was taught the basics. Today, I was allowed to do hands-on. I didn't expect my learning will escalate that much in two days!

To that, I'm thankful; that despite these people in the branches looking quite surprised (their trying to hide proves unsuccessful, sorry) whenever I say I don't have even a bit of background on accounting or any banking-related experiences, they still entertained my questions and they still assisted me with what I need.

At the moment, my mind and heart's constantly filled with worries. Examinations are coming and computation is my worst skill. That's why I'm working double to keep up with the others. I need to exert twice the effort others exert so I can understand what they're talking about everytime. And I've got to ask extra help from others who know the field so I can improve myself more.

Sometimes, it gets totally embarrassing - divulging to others that I am a total noob - but everytime the horror comes to me, I just think of what Tito Lino told me through Celine: It's not what I finished that allows me to work in a bank. It's my willingness to learn. 

 From that, my daily prayer stems. Every day, I always make it to the point that I get to pray the rosary and ask through the Blessed Virgin Mary that God endows me with the ability to stay focused and aware of everything. I always pray for guidance that I may do good and only what's right while on training so that I won't fail the people who have put their full faith in me.

 It is a huge factor that I'm vowed to protect the trust I was given. Aside from my family, it is this desire that pushes me to always move forward. And although I must admit it gives me a certain kind of pressure, I'm still thankful. I'm still grateful.

Tomorrow, I need to work in Caloocan again. I'll be there until Tuesday next week and I'm excited as to how it's going to be. I still pray that nothing goes wrong because I'm apparently going to do hands-on the whole day.

Please pray for me.

The Grateful Banker in the Making

Monday, February 16, 2015

It's official.

Starting tomorrow, I'll be a service associate of City Savings, a subsidiary bank of Unionbank which is pretty much one of the biggest banking companies in the Philippines.

Funny, right, how I dared to enter the banking world after being in the freelance/creative industry for so long. I've got no background, I've got no knowledge, and as much as I don't want to admit it, I don't think I'll get this job if it wasn't for the people I know. That sounds a little demeaning on my part but it's the truth - and when I applied for this job, I swore to my interviewers that I'll be honest.

This might raise eyebrows of many. I got a job because of my backers, even with a lack of skill. Normally, my pride wouldn't have accepted that but things change. And right now, there are two thoughts that are convincing me that it's all okay.



"You have to work on what you have first and grow from there."
Danny Choo

This was shared to me by my friend, Yuxing, when we were talking about Alodia Gosiengfiao. LOL. And somehow, it stuck to me like glue because it gave sense to my plans in life. I desire to succeed and I desire to move forward, but I can't do that without help; and as it so happens, I have people in position who trust me so I'm not wasting that opportunity. This is like burying myself in debt but that's okay. I trust these people just as how they trust me so it's all okay.


"It doesn't matter what course you finished as long as you're willing to learn"
Catalino Abacan

Now this is definitely what is making me brave. Hearing these words strengthen me because it makes me believe that I have a chance as long as I'm willing to learn. I may not have even the slightest background on accounting but I am always excited to learn new things. This is one of them. :)


I know I'm not making sense. It's my last day of being unemployed and I've got tons of things left to do. LOL. So yeah, it's not like this post's going to be viral anyway. So CIAO! :)

Step One

Sunday, February 15, 2015


It's starting to sink in.
The truth that saves me.
After what seemed endless,
I finally found the light.

The sleep was long,
as horrible as the dream.
But now it's beginning -
it finally begins.


It Finally Begins

Thursday, February 5, 2015

Have you ever felt so stagnant? Like whatever you do, no matter how hard you try, you just can’t seem to move forward? Like you’re just running around in circles, figuring out how to get out of the depressing loop called ‘life’ but no matter what take you turn, you’ll just end up on step one?

I have. And it wasn’t a very pleasant experience.

For years, I’ve strived but it all became tumultuous when I lost my job last year, June. I was in the dark, blind and clueless as to where I will be getting the motivation and determination to get back at my feet again.

Months later, I knew I wanted to open a T-shirt business. My cousin gave me enough finances to start on it and I teamed up with friends for the whole process. We’re a few months old now and I’ve sold quite a number of shirts already. It was good business, money was regularly coming in; until I realized that I’m not making any progress. Sure, I was selling my shirts and designs but no, I’m not really growing.

One thought and it had my whole life collapsing again.

I tried to think about what’s wrong; and during one tricycle ride to I-forgot-where, it was a eureka moment.

I don’t move forward because I’m doing these things for the wrong reasons. I live with the wrong motivations. Everything in my life - all my dreams, goals - seem to be created by the simple fact that I am jealous of others living the life I’ve always dreamed to have. Envy drives me and it’s not exactly a good thing. I am doing what I do for something so negative and that, I guess, is one of the main reasons why nothing seems to improve.

Sure, slight envy towards others is good to light that spark of determination in oneself; but I might have let it dominate me. Along the way, I might have let it eat me whole that it became my actual motivation. Maybe not generally, but it plays a great part.

Now which plays the biggest role in this wrong motivation thing? Revenge.

I do things to take revenge. I have this intense hunger to prove myself to people who wronged me. I always tell myself that once I become successful, I will put these people in their proper places. Because you see, the desire to succeed had created this whole illusion that I’m better than everyone else. It had mounted me into a non-existent pedestal. Maybe I can’t be blamed totally, thanks to the painful experiences I had with people I’m talking about; but then, life’s not about revenge. It is never about revenge.

This, I believe, is the biggest problem in me. I want to go up to bring others down. Unconsciously, that was what had been running in my mind all this time; and only now did I realize how ironic I’ve always been.


I said I have thought of all this during my 10-minute tricycle ride, right? But apparently, it has been in my mind for a long time now. It’s just that I’m not paying attention. Now that it has surfaced into my knowledge what actually is holding me back, I pondered on it and felt a lot better knowing what the problem is. At least, I can now work on redesigning my way of thinking and formulating the best solutions to totally eradicate this kind of paradox.

Like all other beginnings, it will be difficult, of course. I believe in destiny. I believe in fate. I believe that if this is happening, then this is what is meant to happen. But then, above all, I believe in a God who rewards His children who do good and reprimands those who were astray; a God who forgives those who ask for forgiveness and repent on their sins; and a God who wishes nothing but success to His creation.


Re-reading what I’ve written, I let out a smile. I guess I’ve just found a better motivation now.


Why I Can't Seem to Move Forward with Life

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