No matter how much I try, I can't help but worry about what others think of me. After that major incident in the office last week, I reflected on my actions and realized that perhaps, what happened made the people around me see me in a different light. It was all too sudden. Emotions surged in and I couldn't help it. My words became blades, plunging disrespectfully on anyone I cross path with. I was hurt. I was humiliated. I was disrespected. And my fury blinded me that...
Thursday, November 12, 2015
Sunday, October 25, 2015
Always the Last Choice
It's tiring being always the last choice, the final option, the one people will turn to when there's no one else left. It's totally painful being left behind, especially when people will constantly show you that you are not the one they want to spend time with, do things with. Or maybe I'm just selfish. Maybe, I just wanted the attention I know I deserve. I just wanted to be given the time I wish people will give me. Maybe I just wanted to feel wanted. My self-esteem...
Monday, September 14, 2015
Familiarity strikes when I first saw you. The moment our eyes met, that moment when you sat beside me, I didn't know what my impression was. Clearly, you didn't make a good one. Your voice sounded judging, condescending - and I was then - and still am - a soul who takes each negative conclusion offensively. We didn't have a good start. But time flew and right now, I know it's just not making sense. I have grown accustomed, perhaps; or I am just probably going crazy by the minute....
Wednesday, August 19, 2015
It has been long since I posted an entry on this blog. Work and real life caught me off guard that I couldn't even organize my thoughts to come up with a decent article. Responsibilities had taken its toll that whenever I get home, I just want to lay down on my bed and sleep the remaining hours of the night away. But things happened and I just need to pour out my overwhelming gratitude. There are these overflowing emotions inside me which I just want to share with everyone....
Monday, June 15, 2015
또 사랑하고 싶어...
It's still the same. Our lives are still intertwined and fate still dictates that we get back together, in any manner possible, during the most trying times in my life - or at least that's what I believe. Somehow, it's that kind of set-up that sparks the idea that maybe, I'm still not over anything; or maybe everything's just coming back. But as I ponder on it more, as I reminisce the way I felt protected and cared for, the way his hand held mine... I realized that it's no...
What Happens At Night?
When the day has ended, what happens at night? When the laughter had died down, when the world turns into quiet, what happens at night? When absence began to dominate, and there was nothing else but your thoughts, what happens at night? When you had your back against...
Sunday, June 14, 2015
The Words I Couldn't Say
There are words I couldn't say, things I cannot admit. It's not like I can't at all. It's just that I've chosen not to express it even in the slightest manner. I am not in the position to tell you these things, nor has the right to feel this way, so why bother? Why complicate things? Saying the words I couldn't say is as good as admitting that these thoughts are true - that I am, once and for all, in love with you. It won't be fair to myself to be this honest because I'm still...
Monday, June 1, 2015
Bringing Back the Glory of Meycauayan
Meycauayan has a rich religious culture. As it basically gives home to one of the oldest churches in the country founded by the Franciscans, the town's reputation as a core of Catholicism in Bulacan cannot be set aside. The moment the Franciscans landed in Bahay Pari on the late 16th century and planted the seed of faith among the people, this place had indeed marked its name on the history of Bulacan. Having given this kind of introduction, I have presented a concrete...
Sunday, May 24, 2015
Please Don't.
Please don't do this to me, I plead you. Don't take my hand to leave me in the middle of nothing. Please stop making me feel like there's something when we both know clearly that there's none. It's not fair. You're not making any sense. Please stop treating me like I'm someone special when I know that there's no other person who wishes me to stay away more than you. Please don't do this to me, I beg you. I'm not as strong as everybody think I am. I think...
Monday, May 18, 2015
I'm running around in circles and it's getting more and more difficult. Everytime I see you, a battle inside me happens that I couldn't quite figure out what to do. Ridden by guilt or driven by conscience, I don't think I can ever understand just what I am supposed to do with you around. You're difficult. You constantly push me away but when I'm ready to take the steps on my own, you'll pull me back aggressively. If that is not unfair, I don't know what is. Unconsciously or...
Monday, April 20, 2015
Seven Years
It's like it's just a few months ago when we were made godparents of Amara Venice, the daughter of May and Van. We saw the kid grow up especially because Van fed us with updates about her constantly. She has always been beautiful, sweet, witty and totally intelligent. She's the type of girl who'll make her parents and godparents really proud. And yesterday,...
Saturday, April 18, 2015
I'm A Fucking Work in Progress, CALM DOWN.
Yesterday, I almost lost myself and broke down in the office. It was embarrassing, trying so hard to keep everything inside me. There was no way I would be talking about how I feel to people I barely know. Thank God, there was internet connection and Luwi was online. It is never a problem to me whenever people in higher positions would reprimand me for doing things. But when it all becomes a different thing when I'm accused of doing something I didn't do, and would never do. Yesterday...
Sunday, April 12, 2015
Why I Love to Cook for the Ponti Servers
Last night was memorable. I was already preparing to sleep when Sean called me at around 9:45PM to ask if I can still go out. They had set an unplanned drinking session which is set to start at 10PM. As I have been craving for alcohol since after the branch opening, I immediately called mom to tell her I'm going out. Sean then picked me up and together,...
Saturday, April 11, 2015
Oh Sehun thoughts at 4:33Am
Time check: 4:38 AM. I am gonna get left alone at the teller's station later so I need to extend myself for major presence of mind later but sleep is probably not coming back soon. Because right at this moment, all I'm thinking about is Oh fucking Sehun. This is getting scary. I love Luhan, that i know, but Sehun got me hell-bound. While Lu allows me to feel inspired all the time, the youngest ignites that strong instinct to protect. And fuck am I so helpless. There is no...
Wednesday, April 8, 2015
The Fault of a Good-for-Nothing Daughter
I am a very useless daughter, a good-for-nothing person. I'm a very stubborn, boastful and obnoxious girl who couldn't give respect to her parents even a bit. I'm that one person who always think she's above everyone else. I cannot pay respect to my mother and father because I'm that evil. And I am at fault. Now, it was made clear to me why I've been very nervous these past few days. I thought something wrong's gonna happen and it did: in the form of a revelation that my...
Tuesday, April 7, 2015
Holy Week 2015: What It Made Me Feel
It was by far one of the most tiring Holy Week experience ever. What I thought will be a laid-back one turned out to be one of the most exhausting. I am already working so I didn't have enough time to ready myself for what was to come; and so I got tired. But as this is one of the most tiring, this is basically the most rewarding. No joke there. This Lenten...
Thursday, April 2, 2015
Shut Up. SHUT UP.
I'm currently getting pissed off. I can never understand why some people always flare up instantly - like every word seems to be a liter of gasoline poured onto the blazing fire. It's totally annoying. I hate being shouted at for my statements which are supposed to be sarcastic. I totally abhor people who make it seem like they're the only ones who can do things, like they're the only ones who can perform well, like they're the only ones who know everything. I hate...
I'm Sorry, God.
It's that time of the week again. I had my confession but did a lot of bad things afterwards anyway that I feel so ashamed of myself. The peak of my Lenten Season had begun and as much as I'm looking forward to it, I couldn't because there's a super typhoon threatening the country, and you know how I am when it comes to natural disasters like this, but then that's another story. So yeah, it's the Holy Week season. Last night, I was able to cover for the Holy Wednesday procession....
Saturday, March 28, 2015
Hell Week? Holy Week.
When it dawned upon me that it is already Palm Sunday tomorrow, I panicked. After so many years, this is the first time that I'm not prepared for anything at all. The final eight days of the Lenten Season is always the busiest and right now, I'm still so disoriented that it hasn't sunk in that tomorrow is the beginning of our Holy Week. To others, this is considered a 'hell week'; but even though it seems so, this is still one of the three most exciting events in my church...
Monday, March 23, 2015
Our Next Lives
I was tired. I was exhausted. And during those rare moments that I actually admit that, there's only one thing I ask God for. It's to see you. It's to be able to talk to you even for a minute, hear from you about what you've been doing and what you've been planning to do. After all, you've always been my refuge. You've always been a sanctuary. My stress reliever, my favorite escape. I could always ask for you. You've always been very generous of your time when it comes to...
Sunday, March 22, 2015
CitySavings Bank (Valenzuela Branch) is Officially Open!
Four days after my last blog entry, I'm now announcing that CitySavings Bank Valenzuela Branch is now open! With office hours running from Tuesday to Saturdays (9AM to 5PM), we're nearer to public school teachers of the city and is ready to be of service to their financial needs. Naks. Lakas maka-marketing! The bank opened on March 20, 2015, attended...
Wednesday, March 18, 2015
I Never Meant to Make Friends But...
Prior to starting my job at CitySavings, I have made it clear to myself that I am not supposed to make friends to anyone. I have learned the hard way that attachment is the easiest route to heartaches so I was very firm with my decision. I couldn't jeopardize my job for 'friendship' anymore. But apparently, I'm bending my words yet again. I've said before how much I enjoyed my branch exposure at Caloocan, right? I'm having a great time working with people who are close to...
Monday, March 16, 2015
Happy 1st Month!
Time flies fast, doesn't it? Just a month ago, I was fussing over the fact that after three years of being stuck at home, I'll finally be starting on a real job that would require me to go to an office everyday, in my corporate attire. It was an unusual thing for me because I got used to being just who I recklessly want to be. But of course, things have...
Tuesday, March 3, 2015
Sepanx
When I first knew that we were going to be deployed to branches for an early exposure right after our four-day orientation, you can imagine the anxiety. I didn’t know anything about banking operations. I didn’t even know how to properly do debit and credit balancing. I was practically a noob, and it literally felt like I was pushed to go to a full pledged war with a waterless water gun as a weapon. Now, imagine how the nervousness doubled when I learned I was assigned at...
Thursday, February 26, 2015
Fighting Prejudice
So it's real. There really is prejudice among people in the corporate world. I can feel it. I can feel how people seemed to be doubtful about me whenever they hear that I don't have even the littlest background in banking. Sure, they offer kind and encouraging words of wisdom, but only a few sounded sincere. Only a few sounded like they really welcome me in their community. Normally, feeling this way would make me go back under my shell. If my old self heard this, she'll hide...
Wednesday, February 25, 2015
The Grateful Banker in the Making
It has indeed been a week since my last entry. Not that it's unusual but this time's just different. It's not just because I don't know what to write about that I couldn't write a blog. Now, it's because I'm too busy with work that I couldn't find time to even check on this site. Me, leaving the house for work every morning and getting home by nightfall, still amazes me even after a week. It still makes my heart flutter everytime I think that I'm now employed, in spite...
Monday, February 16, 2015
Step One
It's official. Starting tomorrow, I'll be a service associate of City Savings, a subsidiary bank of Unionbank which is pretty much one of the biggest banking companies in the Philippines. Funny, right, how I dared to enter the banking world after being in the freelance/creative industry for so long. I've got no background, I've got no knowledge, and as much as I don't want to admit it, I don't think I'll get this job if it wasn't for the people I know. That sounds a little...
Sunday, February 15, 2015
It Finally Begins
It's starting to sink in. The truth that saves me. After what seemed endless, I finally found the light. The sleep was long, as horrible as the dream. But now it's beginning - it finally begins. ...
Thursday, February 5, 2015
Why I Can't Seem to Move Forward with Life
Have you ever felt so stagnant? Like whatever you do, no matter how hard you try, you just can’t seem to move forward? Like you’re just running around in circles, figuring out how to get out of the depressing loop called ‘life’ but no matter what take you turn, you’ll just end up on step one? I have. And it wasn’t a very pleasant experience. For years, I’ve strived but it all became tumultuous when I lost my job last year, June. I was in the dark, blind and clueless as...
Thursday, January 22, 2015
The Patron of Virgins
It might be a little late but Happy Feast Day, St. Agnes! She's the first saint whose life I've read when I was barely 7. I was in Grade 1 St. Agnes and that sparked my curiosity about who this saint was. Mom, fortunately, bought me a book and from there, the inspiration budded. However, it was only last year when I got to visit a chapel...
Tuesday, January 20, 2015
I Didn't Get to See the Pope
photo from the internet I didn’t get to see the pope. Maybe I’ve got reasons, or maybe I don’t, but yeah, I didn’t get to see Pope Francis during his recently concluded visit in the Philippines. From time to time, I feel envious whenever I check on my TV and my computer for updates. Now imagine how much more whenever I see posts from my real-life friends...
