Losing My Job To Find Life

It was my birthday when I received the termination letter from my boss in Singapore. According to him, the company was failing and the finances are unstable so they had to terminate my contract come the month-end. As I was reading the letter, I was shaking uncontrollably. Suddenly, all dreams came crumbling down and I was instantly slumped in depression and disappointment. Tears were non-stop and it hurt double because it was supposed to be a special day for me.

Such kind of reaction was very natural. Being the sole breadwinner of the family, fear easily overwhelmed me. Where will I get the money to support the family? How are we going to survive our daily lives knowing that the pensions of my parents will never be enough for our monthly consumption?

But aside from those worries, I was also anxious about my dreams. Immediately, I have convinced myself that I couldn't dream anymore. I was stripped off such privilege again and it depressed me so much. I felt robbed. I felt pushed to the deepest pit of nothingness. I felt so useless.

For two weeks, I was completely lifeless. I wake up everyday, do the usual things I do, and try to convince people - including myself - that I'm okay. I tried hard not to think of the problems that eventually, my whole system went on a natural shut down that all the negative effects manifested during my unconscious. I mean, I do sleep a lot after I got the news, but never once did I feel relaxed. My thoughts are a mess too so it was quite difficult to create big decisions, as it may not be a good one in the end.

But then, I realized that it has got to end. It was beyond difficult to pick up the pieces but I knew I had to. There's no one to do that for me. I wasn't one of those very lucky ones who have back-ups whenever life fucks them up big time. I am my own existence. I have always been alone when dealing with my emotional issues; so it just got to be me alone who can pull myself out of this misery.

I have decided to try once again what I've been taking pride on since day one: my ability to find the positive things on even the most negative occurrences. And though it's taking me a while, a part of me is now leaning on the idea that God must have really wanted me to start on designing my real future.

As I let depression swallow me whole, I realized that I really wasted three years of my life being stuck on a 'comfortable' job. I feared pain and stress so much that I got contented on a stagnant life. I had no future with my past employer and God must have wanted me to know that. That is why He took away this job and led me to another.

You see, my birthday wish was to be able to find my dream; and on my birthday, I was terminated from my work. Now that I've thought of it, God really answered my prayer fast. He even made me realize what my dream was actually, and I think that deserves another blog post to be discussed.

I have accepted this as the truth: God emptied my hand to give me something better. And tomorrow, I'll be going on a job interview in Ortigas. I have submitted my application to an emerging bank and hopefully, I'll do good in the exam so I can land a position.

Plus, I'm working on the opening of my canteen where I can sell Korean dishes for affordable prices. This is one of my top goals in life and I'm really excited because I'm halfway through the planning stage. If God permits, I'll be opening the venue by end of July or mid-August.

To be honest, I am afraid. Straying away from something I've been very used to is difficult. I've always feared adjustments after all. But I think God wants me to realize that I can never surpass one thing if I don't want to accept changes. I need to learn how to adapt to everything as I pursue my goals. And hopefully, I can start developing myself now that I'm finally understanding everything He desires for me.